


When It Is Too Late (part 1)

by 0Hedvig0



Series: Fairy Tail- short stories [3]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Past Rape/Non-con, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 22:18:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15895248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0Hedvig0/pseuds/0Hedvig0
Summary: Lisanna didn’t mean for it to come this way. The words just, they came out all wrong. What she saw in front of her was her doing.





	When It Is Too Late (part 1)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really in this Bixanna bubble! :)  
> You could say this is like a part 2 of the comic strip I made
> 
> Hope you like it!
> 
>  
> 
> English isn't my first language

Lisanna didn’t mean for it to come this way. The words just, they came out all wrong. What she saw in front of her was her doing. Red eyes filled with raw pain. Lisanna wanted to throw him on the sofa, that way she could keep his larger and taller body safe in her arms. But, the other emotion was keeping her at her place, standing on the other side of the sofa. Betrayal staring right at her. 

Last night, for the first time, she’d woken up in bed. Darkness told her it was long before waking up for work at the guild. It wasn’t the first time she woken up in his bed, in the middle of the night. No, it was _what_ had woken her for the first time. 

‘Why the fuck is you still here?’ voice close to a growl. 

Lisanna had to look away from those eyes she otherwise loved to gaze into. They were too intense and she couldn’t stand how it sometimes changed into anger, almost hatred. 

A shiver vibrated along her body. Only clothed in Bickslow’s t-shirt, ready to go to bed, Lisanna hugged herself to get some warmth. She was going to ask Bickslow to get the fire started in the fireplace, snowflakes slowly dusted grass and trees outside, but remembered what happened the night before and instead different words tumbled out between her lips. She didn’t mean to sound so blunt. She didn’t mean to say anything at all, and now she didn’t know how to fix this. Fix them. Lisanna was truly afraid Bickslow would say something. Like, that they should break- 

No Lisanna couldn’t think about that. Instead she lifted her head to meet his eyes. 

‘I won’t leave Bickslow’ she paused, trying to find words ‘I want to be here for you, whatever it is’ 

She took a risk and stepped around the sofa until they were almost chest to chest. Bickslow didn’t move while walking towards him, but Lisanna noticed how his eyes flickered between keep being angry and something that was making her eyes sting. 

‘Just’ she reached a hand towards his face ‘Just tell me, Bickslow’ 

Her hand got slapped away before even touching him. 

‘So, what? You think me telling you will make anything better?’ she knew the mistake she’d made, him glaring at her, seething by some sudden rage ‘You think I will just “Oh now all things will go back to normal. I’m going to be normal”? Huh, is that it? You want to _fix_ me? I’m will never be normal, Lis!’ 

Lisanna stood her ground when Bickslow came closer to her, she knew he would never hurt her, no matter how angry he got. But tears began to drip down on her cheeks, knowing what his voice murmured while sleeping. 

‘You think it will fix me by telling you about my past? Huh?’ A harsh breath ‘You think. You think telling you about how my mom and dad got killed just because of me- this fucking-’ Bickslow glared at his clenched fists ‘because of this fucking seith magic shit I have! Huh?’ 

Lisanna began shaking her head, whispering his name. She wanted him to stop. She knew this just hurt him more and she didn’t want that. 

But he didn’t stop, he wasn’t there anymore, in his mind. He was in his memories, reliving what otherwise these days he only saw in nightmares. 

‘You think, me telling you about how they dragged me away from my mom’s bloody corps. How I broke someone’s arm to get to my dad that hanged in a snare by some tree, because-’ a head shake ‘it was _fun_ to see a corps get hanged’ he spit out like he was mimicking what someone said at that moment when it happened. 

Bickslow turned around, hands gripping tightly his blue tuffs of hair. Lisanna reached a hand towards him, but her feet wouldn’t move. 

With his back towards her, head dropped. 

‘You think’ quiet voice ‘You think, me telling you. How they beat me. _Tortured_ me’ a quick breath ‘How they. _Raped_ me’ his voice broke. 

He made a quick turn and then he was in front of her again. Eyes empty. 

‘No’ Lisanna’s thick voice of tears breathed to deaf ears, Bickslow was somewhere else in his mind, his eyes staring at her. 

‘I was fine, Lis. I was fine with waking up after reliving those fucking memories!’ He waved angry at her ‘Then you go and fucking ask me about my parents like that?! About my fucking past?!’ 

‘I know and I’m so-’ 

‘I was fine, you know. I was fine because when I woke’ A breath ‘Just one look at you. One look and it didn’t matter. I was alright.’ 

Lisanna stared at him 

‘Yeah, you didn’t know huh? I was fine-’ 

‘No Bickslow’ Lisanna said, her hand warmed his cheek in a soft caress ‘You’re not fine’ 

Bickslow grabbed her hand pushed it away, leaning his head towards her 

‘What the fuck do you know? Huh? Don’t fucking preach how I-’ 

‘You’re not fine Bickslow, no one sounding and saying things like that while sleeping, can feel fine’ she tried to grab his face, but he avoided her, stepping back. 

‘I’m fine, Lis!’ his voice broke when her hand caressed his cheek one more time, but he pulled away again ’Stop! I don’t need! I don’t-’ 

Lisanna caressed his arms, his face, his chest. Tears falling down her own cheeks when she clearly saw the real pain he’s hidden coming to surface. Bickslow desperately grabbed her wrists, keeping them away from him. 

‘I don’t need’ he growled but the intensity disappeared in a breath when his eyes really met her ‘you’ 

Lisanna knew that wasn’t true. 

‘But I need you’ her voice whispered taking him by surprise ‘I can’t. Change, the past. But you are now the most important person I have. And who am I, if I ignore the quiet suffering the one I love go through. What does that speak of me?’ 

Bickslow’s tight grip around her wrist felt more desperate, not to keep her away from him, but more like he desperately was holding on to her. Those red eyes, they now spoke more than every word he’d ever spoken to Lisanna. 

‘If I let you go through this alone’ Lisanna determinedly shook her head, tears of her landing on his bare chest ‘I won’t do that, Bickslow. It doesn’t matter how much you push me away or tell me harsh words. I won’t let you go, I won’t be someone ignoring the pain you feel’ 

It got quiet after the last word. Moments went by, them just staring at each other. 

Lisanna didn’t dare make a sound, her almost not breathing, afraid it would make too much noise and break the atmosphere. She confessed a lot of things in just seconds and it wasn’t ideal to do that, but she was desperate. She wanted him to know he could trust her, lean on her. 

She knew the rumors. Bickslow was a “ladies' man”, always flirting. Bickslow slept around, new girl every weekend. She knew this because everyone dear to her kept warning her about him when they heard Bickslow was the man she started dating. This was six month ago and by now she knew Bickslow was one she saw a future with, despite the rumors still going on. 

Lisanna felt a twig in her heart, because she was selfish. She wasn’t the one confessing. The things Bickslow told her, it must be hitting him now, that he said all those things he kept hidden from- did someone else know about this other than her now? - and what if he waited for her to say something. 

Lisanna’s throat was dry and she tried swallowing, but her spit felt like a lump and it gave her the urge to cough. Instead she tried a calming smile, slowly testing her hand, if the grip would let go. It did. 

The hand met the skin on his bare chest and slowly traveled along to his neck, catching one of the now almost dried tears from her along the way. Her eyes followed the hand’s motions and she could feel his gaze on her face, like he searched for something. 

She stopped the hand where her thumb could softly graze his bottom lip. It was dry, cracked even. 

‘I honestly don’t know what I can say. No words feel like they will do any good’ their eyes met ‘but I will always be here for you, Bickslow’ 

Silence returned between them. His adam’s apple bobbing while red eyes were now searching the blue ones. When their gaze was broken, him lowering his head, Lisanna felt like she'd lost something. 

‘I, eh’ clearing of throat ’I think. I think I need to go’ 

Their skin on skin connection was broken as well when he turned around. Lisanna panicked, grabbing his arm. 

‘Wait, Bickslow! Don’t go!’ desperation coloring the words and the grip on his arm. 

If she let him walk out now. Would he come back? Would he come back to her and not just the house? 

Bickslow slightly turned his head, not looking at her. 

‘Let go, Lisanna’ 

Lisanna refused. Bickslow sighed softly when the grip didn’t lessen. 

‘I need to’ the other hand of his cradled his head ‘sort things through. Alone’ 

Lisanna still refused to let go, but even so, her fingers started to lessen the grip on his arm. But, she didn’t want this. She didn’t want to watch his retreating figure taking some clothes, calling their babies and leave the house. 

Her knees hit the floor when the door closed. The floor was cold. Cold by the loss of warmth from the fireplace that should be lit. Close to her, you could hear the strange cuckoo clock Bickslow found when they were at some market last month. Lisanna counted the ding dongs it made, it was a sound she thought she wouldn’t get used to. She even told Bickslow this when he said he wanted it, because “Look Lisanna, the head’s turned backwards! How awesome isn’t that!”. But he got what he wanted, she couldn’t say no to him when being so happy. Lisanna chuckled at the memory, Bickslow did that, getting her to see happiness even in the saddest moments. 

Her heart made an unusual drop, her hand seeking the pain underneath the fabric having Bickslow’s scent. The waft of air her hand made, sent his scent into her nose and it caused her to urgently grab the fabric, pressing it against her face. Desperately she inhaled the scent of him, fabric slowly becoming damp of tears.


End file.
